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Archive for the ‘Divorce’ Category

E.Umana here, I don’t want to start the year off on such a dreary topic; but this is something worth addressing and if you like please use the sharing is caring social media buttons at the end of this post to share it .

I was listening to Pastor John McArthur and he was talking about a woman who said that God gave her an opportunity to divorce her husband and she didn’t take it and now she is stuck with the guy since she didn’t take that opportunity to divorce him, she, in her mind,she missed God’s best for her life.

People have become so indifferent about marriage and divorce.

There is not any perfect marriage, it takes hard work,commitment and seeking God’s purpose for your marriage and life. Matthew 19v 1-2

 

Last year there were over a million divorces in the United States alone and possibly millions more around the world as a whole.

Divorce has creeped into societies so completely there is hardly anyone who has not been touched by it directly or indirectly, whether, it be parents,children,neighbors,coworkers. that’s a lot of divorces and the million plus divorces represents a lot of broken hearts, crushed dreams, emotionally devastated spouses and children.

 

There are of course legitimate grounds for divorce, such as infidelity,true abandonment or violence;but today it is almost seen as a status symbol e.g. lavish divorce parties of “getting my freedom”

Even the japanese are getting in on this trend with solemn divorce ceremonies.

No fault divorce laws,introduced in the 1970′s, only made things worse,this is ridiculous, it gets people off the hook, maybe both contributed to the divorce to some degree;BUT someone is at fault. Some people will say “Don’t you want people to be happy?

 

Your marriage commitment should not be be based only on how “happy” this person makes you. You made vows and other than the exceptions mentioned above,

 

God expects you to keep it.

 

Your children don’t always make you happy,Things don’t always go as expected with them, some parents have to deal with children in and out of legal trouble,attitude problems,violence,drugs,sex etc and you think, “this is not what I expected when we had you”

 

So what do you do? Do they cease to be your children? Of course not? Then why get rid of your spouse because you’re going through a rough patch?

Is it because there is no biological connection and that supposedly gets rid of the “problem”? This is completely unbiblical;but a lot of people,even  in the church, don’t seem to care.

 

Some of the divorce settlements are scandalous to say the least, for example.

 

Once upon a time, there was a man who made millions of dollars working in the media, He was married,several years into the marriage, he traveled alone away from home and family from time to

 

time, got a girlfriend, (which is totally wrong no doubt) They get divorced,she gets spousal support of roughly one third of his income totally “free money” until she either remarries or he dies,she also gets the big house as well.

 

Bottom Line: She is not EVER going to remarry and will end up having nothing but “boy toys” (on his dime)

 

Of course while not as common,the same situation happens to women as well.

 

There was a woman,who I really admired, she was married, had children and in an age of false role models, I wanted to be able to hold this woman up as a model of a true christian woman.

 

Anyway, she worked with a new man,they have an affair, she gets a divorce, describes the marriage as (paraphrasing: suffocating) gets married to this other man (who also left his wife) they have a child. (This is a woman who touted christian values and was admired by a lot of people)

 

None of us are perfect;but there can be no rationalizations to the path that she has chosen. The now ex husband, acknowledged that they had problems and indicated that he wanted to work it out;but she didn’t want to at all.

 

With God, there are no evolving standards, There is no “getting with the times” There is that psycho bable phrase, “I love you;but I’m not in love with you anymore.”  In other words, you no longer make me happy. Love is not all about feelings.

 

People love the idea the idea of getting married, getting the chapel ready,the flowers the ring, the tuxedo, the dress etc a real fairy tale; but fail to think about the commitment when times get tough as they inevitably will.

 

Remember Hebrews chapter 13 verse 4 where God speaks about the sanctity of marriage and that he will judge fornicators and adulterers. That verse specifically mentions keeping the marriage bed undefiled.

 

In the old testament, God talks about sexual immorality as polluting the land.

 

At the end of the day, Marriage is a sacred God created institution and should be fought for, not ridiculed, even as divorce has become fashionable and commonplace.

There are no real winners in divorce.

 

Let me know what you think.

E.Umana here, I hope you’re having a great weekend so far. In this post, its about divorce, you may agree or you may not, please share your thoughts either way. ad hominen attacks will be laughed at or ignored. I have been amazed by some rather strong opinions on this issue.

Divorce has become so common in today’s culture and is so often the first option at the first sign of difficulty.

Divorce can be contagious,as one couple gets divorce and their friends get divorce and so on and so on.

People see a person who got divorced and it may have been for legitimate grounds or they may have bought the world’s lie that the only way to end the “freak show” (dysfunctional) arguments etc was to end the marriage and gain a new sense of freedom and relief or repeat the world’s mantra “having that divorce made me a stronger person”.

There’s even the recent phenomenon of divorce parties (lavish affairs to kick back, have some fun and announce that they’re back on the market or they use the popular term “single again”)

They might have discussed the marriage problems they’re having at home to a friend and the friend gave their advice that its time to end it,

Thus Planting that first seed in their mind to get a divorce.

Marriage as God intended is permanent. Again, God said that he hates divorce Malachi 2.

While there are legitimate grounds for divorce such as violence (both gender can be abusers) or infidelity. People get divorced too easily these days (No fault divorce anyone? Someone is always at fault in some way)

Part of it is due to declining morals, a lack of integrity and commitment (to God or their spouse, marriage is not just a union between a man and a women for a lifetime;but its a commitment made between a man, a woman before God and involving God)

God said that he hates divorce for it covers one’s garments with violence. We all know about that desire for revenge, Read Malachi 2v 13-16

I just saw a story on Yahoo (via the daily beast) that chronicles the top 50 U.S. cities with the highest divorce rates. they call them divorce capitals, with Panama City,Florida, leading the pack.

While there are times when divorce is actually the best option for a given situation, it shouldn’t be the first.

Secular psychologists and psychiatrists will issue all sort of reports to support their worldview and say that children are not disproportionately affected by their parent’s divorce don’t buy into it, it does affect them… well into adulthood.

No one can argue that having that “tug of war” between their parents and bouncing the kids around seeing mom and dad intermittently is an ideal situation.

I was walking on a Saint Louis Street, minding my own business and coming towards me, I heard this man shouting on his cell phone, he was red faced and really angry, while I could hear only one side of the conversation, he was saying I’m coming up there to see my daughter, you can’t stop me from seeing my daughter. He was going on and on. I feel for him.

The daughter probably loves both parents and she probably doesn’t like this volatile situation going on between both parents.

Christian theologian Dr. Richard Land mentioned a study on marriages that survive and those who chose divorce .

In the study, it was between couples who got divorced and those stayed together to work out their problems and it shows that five years later “the stick it out” couples had a much higher rate of success than the the couples who decided to get a divorce.

Divorce has even been made to look fashionable and some celebrity spouse will say “I want it all, the houses, the cars, the beachfront condo, I’m going to get what’s coming to me and then proceed to use some expletive to describe their soon to be ex-spouse.

Don’t give up too soon. As marriages are falling apart all around you, you don’t have to follow the crowd, try the tips below instead and when you get the struggles and low points in your marriage, stick it out and when you come out on the other side, you’ll truly be glad you did.

Try this:

Seek Godly counsel

Pray to God regularly, he will hear you and direct your paths if you humble yourself and are open to him.

Respect each other (saying thank you and please go a long way.)

Acknowledge and respect the God given differences between the sexes.

Do things together

Love each other, make the effort.

Handle disagreements privately and civilly. TAKE A DEEP BREATH!

Date each other regularly, just the two of you, make it happen,

Do unexpected and some would say undeserved things for one another.(The other spouse will notice)

Again,Listen up,Have regular prayer and devotion time together.

Take care of your debts, it can really strain a marriage and is frequently mentioned (along with sex) as one of the top causes of divorce.

Until Next Time
E.Umana

E.Umana here and I have been so busy attending to other matters that I have completely neglected this blog…well no more.

There is an issue that I would like your input on.
As many of you may already know, Golfer Tiger Woods’ Divorce was finalized some weeks ago. When his infidelity first became public, alot of people weren’t sure if Elin,his wife would divorce him.

It goes without saying that that kind of serial infidelity is very hard to stop, especially if you don’t have a strong faith foundation and so while she may have forgiven him, she rightfully doesn’t want to risk her health and self respect by being with him.

It reminds me of a conversation that I was having with a friend about what the biblical grounds for divorce are.

I was having a conversation with my friend on what are legitimate grounds to get a divorce. I happened to mention infidelity and violence. My friend seemed to strongly disagree stating that the bible does not include violence as a good reason for a couple to divorce.

I responded by saying that if a woman is regularly beaten into a bloody pulp,she has no legitimate grounds for divorce (from a biblical standpoint)?

He still didn’t agree with me.I don’t want to go shouting where the bible is silent; but God has given us all discernment when it comes to solving issues in a way that is pleasing to him.

He subsequently mentioned that infidelity and abandonment are grounds for divorce and that beating his wife (as I mentioned in my example) could be seen as abandoning the biblical mandate for husbands to love their wives as their own bodies (I’m paraphrasing)

To me that’s like saying that when a man (or woman) brutally assaults their spouse and everyone says “don’t get involved, its a family matter” Violence is a legitimate ground for divorce from a biblical perspective.

If I could continue that conversation, I would have also included abandonment as a legitimate ground for divorce, like the soon to be former South Carolina Governor who allegedly told his staff that he was going on a hiking trip when in reality, he went to Argentina to be with his “soul mate” (his words) even though he was married to someone else, had a family and was a public figure.

Let me know what you think.

What do you think besides the reasons stated above are legitimate biblical grounds for divorce.

E.Umana