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Posts Tagged ‘best marriage tips’

E.Umana here, I don’t want to start the year off on such a dreary topic; but this is something worth addressing and if you like please use the sharing is caring social media buttons at the end of this post to share it .

I was listening to Pastor John McArthur and he was talking about a woman who said that God gave her an opportunity to divorce her husband and she didn’t take it and now she is stuck with the guy since she didn’t take that opportunity to divorce him, she, in her mind,she missed God’s best for her life.

People have become so indifferent about marriage and divorce.

There is not any perfect marriage, it takes hard work,commitment and seeking God’s purpose for your marriage and life. Matthew 19v 1-2

 

Last year there were over a million divorces in the United States alone and possibly millions more around the world as a whole.

Divorce has creeped into societies so completely there is hardly anyone who has not been touched by it directly or indirectly, whether, it be parents,children,neighbors,coworkers. that’s a lot of divorces and the million plus divorces represents a lot of broken hearts, crushed dreams, emotionally devastated spouses and children.

 

There are of course legitimate grounds for divorce, such as infidelity,true abandonment or violence;but today it is almost seen as a status symbol e.g. lavish divorce parties of “getting my freedom”

Even the japanese are getting in on this trend with solemn divorce ceremonies.

No fault divorce laws,introduced in the 1970′s, only made things worse,this is ridiculous, it gets people off the hook, maybe both contributed to the divorce to some degree;BUT someone is at fault. Some people will say “Don’t you want people to be happy?

 

Your marriage commitment should not be be based only on how “happy” this person makes you. You made vows and other than the exceptions mentioned above,

 

God expects you to keep it.

 

Your children don’t always make you happy,Things don’t always go as expected with them, some parents have to deal with children in and out of legal trouble,attitude problems,violence,drugs,sex etc and you think, “this is not what I expected when we had you”

 

So what do you do? Do they cease to be your children? Of course not? Then why get rid of your spouse because you’re going through a rough patch?

Is it because there is no biological connection and that supposedly gets rid of the “problem”? This is completely unbiblical;but a lot of people,even  in the church, don’t seem to care.

 

Some of the divorce settlements are scandalous to say the least, for example.

 

Once upon a time, there was a man who made millions of dollars working in the media, He was married,several years into the marriage, he traveled alone away from home and family from time to

 

time, got a girlfriend, (which is totally wrong no doubt) They get divorced,she gets spousal support of roughly one third of his income totally “free money” until she either remarries or he dies,she also gets the big house as well.

 

Bottom Line: She is not EVER going to remarry and will end up having nothing but “boy toys” (on his dime)

 

Of course while not as common,the same situation happens to women as well.

 

There was a woman,who I really admired, she was married, had children and in an age of false role models, I wanted to be able to hold this woman up as a model of a true christian woman.

 

Anyway, she worked with a new man,they have an affair, she gets a divorce, describes the marriage as (paraphrasing: suffocating) gets married to this other man (who also left his wife) they have a child. (This is a woman who touted christian values and was admired by a lot of people)

 

None of us are perfect;but there can be no rationalizations to the path that she has chosen. The now ex husband, acknowledged that they had problems and indicated that he wanted to work it out;but she didn’t want to at all.

 

With God, there are no evolving standards, There is no “getting with the times” There is that psycho bable phrase, “I love you;but I’m not in love with you anymore.”  In other words, you no longer make me happy. Love is not all about feelings.

 

People love the idea the idea of getting married, getting the chapel ready,the flowers the ring, the tuxedo, the dress etc a real fairy tale; but fail to think about the commitment when times get tough as they inevitably will.

 

Remember Hebrews chapter 13 verse 4 where God speaks about the sanctity of marriage and that he will judge fornicators and adulterers. That verse specifically mentions keeping the marriage bed undefiled.

 

In the old testament, God talks about sexual immorality as polluting the land.

 

At the end of the day, Marriage is a sacred God created institution and should be fought for, not ridiculed, even as divorce has become fashionable and commonplace.

There are no real winners in divorce.

 

Let me know what you think.

E.Umana here,back after a hectic 6 months,back with a vengeance and a brand new blog post, If you like it or find it interesting, see the link below to share it with your friends on facebook,twitter etc. As always, let me know what you think.

We’ve all seen the endless merchandise with the phrase, what would Jesus do? What would you do when tragedy and difficulties strike? Would you follow his advice or dismiss it?

A few weeks ago, I watched a story on cbs news about Mike Daly ,whose wife Carol in her late fifties developed alzheimer’s disease,he had to retire early to take care of her, I watched as he did the chores, cooked and put on her makeup, he gained alot of weight as the stress seemed to really get to him.

He could have walked away or sent her to a nursing home to be taken care of;but he didn’t. see it here Life is not a bowl of cherries.

As christians, we are to take the good as well as the bad,we are to take those marriage vows seriously. Years ago when Nancy Reagan was asked why she chose to take care of her ailing husband, she responded, that he would have done the same for her.

Marriage is a God given covenant,which should not be entered into haphazardly or ended willy nilly. Last month, there was the story of Charles Lome, who found his wife had collapsed and was not breathing and so he tried to give her CPR and ended up panicking and dying himself, it just amazed me how something like that can happen.

Just yesterday on Fox and Friends, I watched the story of Matt Logelin, whose wife Liz, was his high school sweetheart,just 27 hours after giving birth to their first child Maddy, died of a pulmonary embolism. The devastated husband went on to write a blog,which attracted a huge following and book detailing his journey. see it here

I don’t know the faiths (or lack of faith) of these people;but I am struck by the deep love and commitment that they had for one another.

You may not always have that “new car feeling” (That phase, where the love you feel and show to each other, is at its strongest, where people have to keep saying “Get a room you two”) but marriage is most definitely worth it.

Those stories need to (however tragic or difficult they might be) inspire us to commit ourselves to our family and even try to love even when we don’t feel as loved.

 

God first loved us, even as we didn’t know him or even rejected him. This goes against the grain of worldly thinking of I need to take care of myself first, says whom?, certainly not the bible. Taking care of yourself is good; but not in the way that its being advocated or exercised today.

Contrast that with some celebrities (who shall remained unnamed) who “fall in love” with their co-star,leave their marriage to be with the lover and forsake their marriage vows,even those who in the past, were christian role models by initially, not letting the hollywood lifestyle change or sometimes corrupt their values.

I personally knew someone who paid a woman thousands of dollars to marry him so that he could stay in the country (US),That’s nothing new of course;but I could never do it no matter how hard up I was for cash as I, while not claiming to be perfect, take marriage as a covenant very seriously.

According to a cbsnews story entitled “I don’t” The Decline of Marriage” Fewer Americans are getting married, in fact the number of marriages dropped a full 18 percent from 1970 to 2010

That’s a lot of weekend fathers and mothers out there. Its understandable that some people with a child or children should not marry the father or mother,particularly if there is violence or infidelity etc,

However,Study after study has shown that a child benefits greatly, when as soon as he or she is taken out of the womb (in other words, born) there should be both a mother and father looking adoringly at him or her. There is a reason why every human being gets 23 chromosomes each from the mother and the father.

Even with this decline of marriage, the business of marriage is booming, from hotel rentals,wedding dresses and tuxedoes,limos,honeymoons,flowers etc etc.

People seem to be in love with the idea of getting married and don’t seem to think about the “hard” and necessary work that goes into making a marriage last. See it here

This blog is politically incorrect and may seem “judgmental” to some; but these are issues that urgently need to be addressed.

Until Next Time

E.Umana

E.Umana here, with 16 simple but often overlooked ways to improve your marriage, though this is mainly from a Christian perspective, it provides practical suggestions that the non Christian can benefit from as well.

If You Like This Post, See The “Sharing Is Caring” Sign at the bottom of this post to send this to others..

This is by no means a cure all or exhaustive resource. Reading and applying these tips will make a real difference in your marriage.

1.Date each other: Make time away from the kids, jobs etc for just the two of you.

2.Parental discipline: Be on the same page You don’t want to say no to your child; only to have him/her go to your spouse who gives him/her a different answer.

Don’t try to live vicariously through your child by giving in to their every demand,not setting reasonable boundaries Or automatically taking their side even when you know that they’re wrong..

That will hurt them more than help them in the future. Again both parents need to be on the same page.

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3. Show, don’t just say that you love one another.

4.Go out of your way to do something for your spouse even when you feel that they don’t deserve it or even if you know they will not appreciate it.

5. Seek God and serve him. God has to be at the center of your marriage.

6.Don’t let the sun go down on your anger; Don’t let arguments and disagreements fester into resentment, hostility or even violence by avoiding each other. Work it out as soon as possible, it might require some swallowing of pride; but make the effort.

7.Be more forgiving of your spouse’s faults, of course there are limits (e.g. infidelity or violence)
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8.Constructive criticism is necessary and good; being a nag and constantly tearing down your spouse is not.
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9.Take your marital vows seriously. Those vows are not just made between you and your spouse. You stood before God and pledged your undying love to one another of which we shall all be held accountable Hebrews 13v4:

.“Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled;but fornicators and adulterers,God will judge.”

10. Encourage each other:
When your spouse comes home from work, got passed over for a promotion or raise and feels like the whole world is against them, give them the encouragement/ego boost that they need.
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11.Love one another even when you don’t feel like it even after the honeymoon phase is long gone. Forget the fairy tales, Love is not just a feeling, it’s a commitment.
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Just the other day, at my local Mcdonald’s restaurant, I saw a man slice up the pancakes and feed his obviously disabled wife.I could tell that they were married a long time, just by looking at them.
I admired his patience and commitment to her.
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12.Put your family ahead of any personal career aspirations. Not everyone is cut out to be an NBA Superstar Basket ball player or Movie Star. Don’t selfishly pursue goals that could cause a strain in your marriage and family.
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Think about how possibly your decision will affect, not just you; but your marriage and family as well, in a marriage, Contrary to conventional thinking, you are not entirely independent, you need to consult one another before making certain decisions that could affect the whole family.
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13.Find something that you both enjoy doing and do it regularly together. Try to find something that requires the both of you to get it done.
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14.Physical violence in any form MUST not be tolerated. “Oh baby, it won’t happen again” chances are, it will happen again and again and again, unless the abuser gets help or when the one spouse who fears for their very life chooses to end the marriage and leaves.
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15.Acknowledge and respect the God given gender differences This can cause alot of tension if not handled right. (Keep in mind,there are exceptions to the rule).

Don’t expect your wife to act like a man (arm wrestling, monster truck,Mixed martial arts,belching,passing gas and cussing for fun).

Don’t expect your husband to act like a woman (multi tasking, soap operas,shopping,baby showers,Haute Coture, taking two hours in the bathroom etc.
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16.No comparisons:
Do you think to yourself?, “I wish that my spouse was more like someone else’s spouse.”
Stop it, Your spouse will and can never be like someone else, this is your one and only spouse.

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Let me know what you think.

-E.Umana