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Posts Tagged ‘Divorce’

E.Umana here, I don’t want to start the year off on such a dreary topic; but this is something worth addressing and if you like please use the sharing is caring social media buttons at the end of this post to share it .

I was listening to Pastor John McArthur and he was talking about a woman who said that God gave her an opportunity to divorce her husband and she didn’t take it and now she is stuck with the guy since she didn’t take that opportunity to divorce him, she, in her mind,she missed God’s best for her life.

People have become so indifferent about marriage and divorce.

There is not any perfect marriage, it takes hard work,commitment and seeking God’s purpose for your marriage and life. Matthew 19v 1-2

 

Last year there were over a million divorces in the United States alone and possibly millions more around the world as a whole.

Divorce has creeped into societies so completely there is hardly anyone who has not been touched by it directly or indirectly, whether, it be parents,children,neighbors,coworkers. that’s a lot of divorces and the million plus divorces represents a lot of broken hearts, crushed dreams, emotionally devastated spouses and children.

 

There are of course legitimate grounds for divorce, such as infidelity,true abandonment or violence;but today it is almost seen as a status symbol e.g. lavish divorce parties of “getting my freedom”

Even the japanese are getting in on this trend with solemn divorce ceremonies.

No fault divorce laws,introduced in the 1970′s, only made things worse,this is ridiculous, it gets people off the hook, maybe both contributed to the divorce to some degree;BUT someone is at fault. Some people will say “Don’t you want people to be happy?

 

Your marriage commitment should not be be based only on how “happy” this person makes you. You made vows and other than the exceptions mentioned above,

 

God expects you to keep it.

 

Your children don’t always make you happy,Things don’t always go as expected with them, some parents have to deal with children in and out of legal trouble,attitude problems,violence,drugs,sex etc and you think, “this is not what I expected when we had you”

 

So what do you do? Do they cease to be your children? Of course not? Then why get rid of your spouse because you’re going through a rough patch?

Is it because there is no biological connection and that supposedly gets rid of the “problem”? This is completely unbiblical;but a lot of people,even  in the church, don’t seem to care.

 

Some of the divorce settlements are scandalous to say the least, for example.

 

Once upon a time, there was a man who made millions of dollars working in the media, He was married,several years into the marriage, he traveled alone away from home and family from time to

 

time, got a girlfriend, (which is totally wrong no doubt) They get divorced,she gets spousal support of roughly one third of his income totally “free money” until she either remarries or he dies,she also gets the big house as well.

 

Bottom Line: She is not EVER going to remarry and will end up having nothing but “boy toys” (on his dime)

 

Of course while not as common,the same situation happens to women as well.

 

There was a woman,who I really admired, she was married, had children and in an age of false role models, I wanted to be able to hold this woman up as a model of a true christian woman.

 

Anyway, she worked with a new man,they have an affair, she gets a divorce, describes the marriage as (paraphrasing: suffocating) gets married to this other man (who also left his wife) they have a child. (This is a woman who touted christian values and was admired by a lot of people)

 

None of us are perfect;but there can be no rationalizations to the path that she has chosen. The now ex husband, acknowledged that they had problems and indicated that he wanted to work it out;but she didn’t want to at all.

 

With God, there are no evolving standards, There is no “getting with the times” There is that psycho bable phrase, “I love you;but I’m not in love with you anymore.”  In other words, you no longer make me happy. Love is not all about feelings.

 

People love the idea the idea of getting married, getting the chapel ready,the flowers the ring, the tuxedo, the dress etc a real fairy tale; but fail to think about the commitment when times get tough as they inevitably will.

 

Remember Hebrews chapter 13 verse 4 where God speaks about the sanctity of marriage and that he will judge fornicators and adulterers. That verse specifically mentions keeping the marriage bed undefiled.

 

In the old testament, God talks about sexual immorality as polluting the land.

 

At the end of the day, Marriage is a sacred God created institution and should be fought for, not ridiculed, even as divorce has become fashionable and commonplace.

There are no real winners in divorce.

 

Let me know what you think.

E.Umana here, I hope you had a good weekend. Let me know what you think about this post.

It starting to feel like everywhere you turn, there’s another politician caught up in a cheating scandal. The airwaves were filled with it this past week. Politicians from both political parties have been exposed. Its so pervasive that Greta Van Susteren of Fox news did a news special chronicling their foibles.

One person even said to me that everybody does it, to which I protested my disagreement.

Cohabiting before marriage,children born out of wedlock, where the parents have absolutely no intention of ever marrying,pervades the moral landscape and is considered no big deal.

 

As believers, we know that it is a big deal. We are not to throw stones at glass houses, we all have our flaws;but there are those who flaunt their immorality.

Nobody will ever be perfect in this life;however, True believers strive to do better and then there are those who cry stop judging me or the buzzword of the day is “judgmental” or “so-called christian”

 

FOR EXAMPLE  “I consider your wife Sarah to be my friend.

I know what you two have gone through. How could you ever do that to her? Your affair could endanger your life and hers, Sarah really doesn’t deserve this, Have you been tested for HIV, gonorrhea, HPV, Herpes,Syphilis or any of the other venereal diseases out there?

What about the kids? Are you being the best example of what a father should be to them?

 

When Sarah finds out and mark my word, she will find out,even if not by me, you will be getting a divorce as Sarah won’t be able to trust a single word that comes out of your mouth.

 

You claim to know God and you do this? when the world sees christians willfully sinning against God over and over again, it causes the world to see christians as hypocrites and blaspheme God. Think about it.

The cheater responds predictably: Stop judging me. We’ve known each other since grade school and if you want to still be my friend, You’ll keep your mouth shut, I love Sarah, but I need time to break off the affair.

The friend responds: I’m not judging you, but what you’re doing is wrong, if we, as believers can’t make judgements between right and wrong,lest we offend. someone who wants to keep doing wrong, then we’re in big trouble. Stop making excuses.

Come clean to Sarah and beg for her forgiveness, Knowing Sarah as I do, I doubt she’ll take you back as affairs can be overcome by some couples if the wronged spouse can truly forgive and the cheater get counseling;but the trust is extremely hard to get back as you know how much Sarah talks about how important  trust is.

You have to take the chance that your marriage may be over, if you don’t do it, I will,I mean it and I sure as heck will not lie to protect either,No games just do it now.

Cheater: Ok, I’ll do it.

Cheating permeates every level of society, but those who violate the public’s trust in their integrity and gave them the honor of being in public office really disgusts and disappoints me.

 

Representatives of the people are human;but they are to be held to a higher standard. holding public office is not a right its a privilege. Not everyone gets that honor.

The lengths, some of them go to cover up the affair. Ducking in hotels,making payoffs, contacting the women they carried on with to keep quiet,secret children etc.

Despite the fact, that sex and infidelity are being thrown around everywhere, Everyone is not being unfaithful, despite all the temptation around them including the ease with which we are able to go online and find friends from grade school from over 25 years ago and reconnect.

It is not impossible to be faithful to our spouses. The verse, I can do all things through christ who strengthens me (Phillipians 4v13) comes to mind.

 

God would not set parameters or limits on anything, if it was not ultimately for our own good.

I shudder to think of how the younger generations will fare. The Wall Street Journal layed it out in a story  entitled.

The Young and the Restless: Why Infidelity Is Rising Among 20-Somethings.

Some people in other countries when they hear of the cheating scandals and the controversy and condemnation of the cheating politician,actually called on Americans to not be so puritanical (which is hardly the case) infidelity is wrong and shouldn’t be taken lightly.

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Till next time
E.Umana

E.Umana here and I have been so busy attending to other matters that I have completely neglected this blog…well no more.

There is an issue that I would like your input on.
As many of you may already know, Golfer Tiger Woods’ Divorce was finalized some weeks ago. When his infidelity first became public, alot of people weren’t sure if Elin,his wife would divorce him.

It goes without saying that that kind of serial infidelity is very hard to stop, especially if you don’t have a strong faith foundation and so while she may have forgiven him, she rightfully doesn’t want to risk her health and self respect by being with him.

It reminds me of a conversation that I was having with a friend about what the biblical grounds for divorce are.

I was having a conversation with my friend on what are legitimate grounds to get a divorce. I happened to mention infidelity and violence. My friend seemed to strongly disagree stating that the bible does not include violence as a good reason for a couple to divorce.

I responded by saying that if a woman is regularly beaten into a bloody pulp,she has no legitimate grounds for divorce (from a biblical standpoint)?

He still didn’t agree with me.I don’t want to go shouting where the bible is silent; but God has given us all discernment when it comes to solving issues in a way that is pleasing to him.

He subsequently mentioned that infidelity and abandonment are grounds for divorce and that beating his wife (as I mentioned in my example) could be seen as abandoning the biblical mandate for husbands to love their wives as their own bodies (I’m paraphrasing)

To me that’s like saying that when a man (or woman) brutally assaults their spouse and everyone says “don’t get involved, its a family matter” Violence is a legitimate ground for divorce from a biblical perspective.

If I could continue that conversation, I would have also included abandonment as a legitimate ground for divorce, like the soon to be former South Carolina Governor who allegedly told his staff that he was going on a hiking trip when in reality, he went to Argentina to be with his “soul mate” (his words) even though he was married to someone else, had a family and was a public figure.

Let me know what you think.

What do you think besides the reasons stated above are legitimate biblical grounds for divorce.

E.Umana