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Posts Tagged ‘long lasting marriage’

E.Umana here,back after a hectic 6 months,back with a vengeance and a brand new blog post, If you like it or find it interesting, see the link below to share it with your friends on facebook,twitter etc. As always, let me know what you think.

We’ve all seen the endless merchandise with the phrase, what would Jesus do? What would you do when tragedy and difficulties strike? Would you follow his advice or dismiss it?

A few weeks ago, I watched a story on cbs news about Mike Daly ,whose wife Carol in her late fifties developed alzheimer’s disease,he had to retire early to take care of her, I watched as he did the chores, cooked and put on her makeup, he gained alot of weight as the stress seemed to really get to him.

He could have walked away or sent her to a nursing home to be taken care of;but he didn’t. see it here Life is not a bowl of cherries.

As christians, we are to take the good as well as the bad,we are to take those marriage vows seriously. Years ago when Nancy Reagan was asked why she chose to take care of her ailing husband, she responded, that he would have done the same for her.

Marriage is a God given covenant,which should not be entered into haphazardly or ended willy nilly. Last month, there was the story of Charles Lome, who found his wife had collapsed and was not breathing and so he tried to give her CPR and ended up panicking and dying himself, it just amazed me how something like that can happen.

Just yesterday on Fox and Friends, I watched the story of Matt Logelin, whose wife Liz, was his high school sweetheart,just 27 hours after giving birth to their first child Maddy, died of a pulmonary embolism. The devastated husband went on to write a blog,which attracted a huge following and book detailing his journey. see it here

I don’t know the faiths (or lack of faith) of these people;but I am struck by the deep love and commitment that they had for one another.

You may not always have that “new car feeling” (That phase, where the love you feel and show to each other, is at its strongest, where people have to keep saying “Get a room you two”) but marriage is most definitely worth it.

Those stories need to (however tragic or difficult they might be) inspire us to commit ourselves to our family and even try to love even when we don’t feel as loved.

 

God first loved us, even as we didn’t know him or even rejected him. This goes against the grain of worldly thinking of I need to take care of myself first, says whom?, certainly not the bible. Taking care of yourself is good; but not in the way that its being advocated or exercised today.

Contrast that with some celebrities (who shall remained unnamed) who “fall in love” with their co-star,leave their marriage to be with the lover and forsake their marriage vows,even those who in the past, were christian role models by initially, not letting the hollywood lifestyle change or sometimes corrupt their values.

I personally knew someone who paid a woman thousands of dollars to marry him so that he could stay in the country (US),That’s nothing new of course;but I could never do it no matter how hard up I was for cash as I, while not claiming to be perfect, take marriage as a covenant very seriously.

According to a cbsnews story entitled “I don’t” The Decline of Marriage” Fewer Americans are getting married, in fact the number of marriages dropped a full 18 percent from 1970 to 2010

That’s a lot of weekend fathers and mothers out there. Its understandable that some people with a child or children should not marry the father or mother,particularly if there is violence or infidelity etc,

However,Study after study has shown that a child benefits greatly, when as soon as he or she is taken out of the womb (in other words, born) there should be both a mother and father looking adoringly at him or her. There is a reason why every human being gets 23 chromosomes each from the mother and the father.

Even with this decline of marriage, the business of marriage is booming, from hotel rentals,wedding dresses and tuxedoes,limos,honeymoons,flowers etc etc.

People seem to be in love with the idea of getting married and don’t seem to think about the “hard” and necessary work that goes into making a marriage last. See it here

This blog is politically incorrect and may seem “judgmental” to some; but these are issues that urgently need to be addressed.

Until Next Time

E.Umana

E.Umana here, with 16 simple but often overlooked ways to improve your marriage, though this is mainly from a Christian perspective, it provides practical suggestions that the non Christian can benefit from as well.

If You Like This Post, See The “Sharing Is Caring” Sign at the bottom of this post to send this to others..

This is by no means a cure all or exhaustive resource. Reading and applying these tips will make a real difference in your marriage.

1.Date each other: Make time away from the kids, jobs etc for just the two of you.

2.Parental discipline: Be on the same page You don’t want to say no to your child; only to have him/her go to your spouse who gives him/her a different answer.

Don’t try to live vicariously through your child by giving in to their every demand,not setting reasonable boundaries Or automatically taking their side even when you know that they’re wrong..

That will hurt them more than help them in the future. Again both parents need to be on the same page.

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3. Show, don’t just say that you love one another.

4.Go out of your way to do something for your spouse even when you feel that they don’t deserve it or even if you know they will not appreciate it.

5. Seek God and serve him. God has to be at the center of your marriage.

6.Don’t let the sun go down on your anger; Don’t let arguments and disagreements fester into resentment, hostility or even violence by avoiding each other. Work it out as soon as possible, it might require some swallowing of pride; but make the effort.

7.Be more forgiving of your spouse’s faults, of course there are limits (e.g. infidelity or violence)
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8.Constructive criticism is necessary and good; being a nag and constantly tearing down your spouse is not.
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9.Take your marital vows seriously. Those vows are not just made between you and your spouse. You stood before God and pledged your undying love to one another of which we shall all be held accountable Hebrews 13v4:

.“Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled;but fornicators and adulterers,God will judge.”

10. Encourage each other:
When your spouse comes home from work, got passed over for a promotion or raise and feels like the whole world is against them, give them the encouragement/ego boost that they need.
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11.Love one another even when you don’t feel like it even after the honeymoon phase is long gone. Forget the fairy tales, Love is not just a feeling, it’s a commitment.
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Just the other day, at my local Mcdonald’s restaurant, I saw a man slice up the pancakes and feed his obviously disabled wife.I could tell that they were married a long time, just by looking at them.
I admired his patience and commitment to her.
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12.Put your family ahead of any personal career aspirations. Not everyone is cut out to be an NBA Superstar Basket ball player or Movie Star. Don’t selfishly pursue goals that could cause a strain in your marriage and family.
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Think about how possibly your decision will affect, not just you; but your marriage and family as well, in a marriage, Contrary to conventional thinking, you are not entirely independent, you need to consult one another before making certain decisions that could affect the whole family.
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13.Find something that you both enjoy doing and do it regularly together. Try to find something that requires the both of you to get it done.
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14.Physical violence in any form MUST not be tolerated. “Oh baby, it won’t happen again” chances are, it will happen again and again and again, unless the abuser gets help or when the one spouse who fears for their very life chooses to end the marriage and leaves.
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15.Acknowledge and respect the God given gender differences This can cause alot of tension if not handled right. (Keep in mind,there are exceptions to the rule).

Don’t expect your wife to act like a man (arm wrestling, monster truck,Mixed martial arts,belching,passing gas and cussing for fun).

Don’t expect your husband to act like a woman (multi tasking, soap operas,shopping,baby showers,Haute Coture, taking two hours in the bathroom etc.
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16.No comparisons:
Do you think to yourself?, “I wish that my spouse was more like someone else’s spouse.”
Stop it, Your spouse will and can never be like someone else, this is your one and only spouse.

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Let me know what you think.

-E.Umana